I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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