Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
