im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
