M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
