YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
