i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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