Kareoke will never be a sober sport
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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