He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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