I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
