Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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