thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
