I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
