Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
