I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Randomize
