I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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