Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
a search helicopter?!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
