I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
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I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
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You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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