you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
