Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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