I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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