someone threw a dead crab at me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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