so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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