We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
