all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
