the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
