its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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