i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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