so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
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like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
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If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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