You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
