Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
