Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
