obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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