When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There r osticjed everywhere
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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