i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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