True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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