Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
