I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You can't motorboat a personality
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
