I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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