People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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