I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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