Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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