I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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