Who wears a wallet chain?!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
