I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
