somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
