what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
