I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
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She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
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This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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