and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think my nap took me to another dimension
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I am one with the molecules
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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