one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i barfeds in our rink
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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