Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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