Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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