I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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