So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
