No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
