If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
