Are we in a gay sports bar?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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