chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
