all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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