sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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