I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
