Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
