Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
