Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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