Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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