My friends, they love my intelligence
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
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You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
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Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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