When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
