Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
