i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
