We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
