Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
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Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize