you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
