You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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