I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
