he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize