i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.