I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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