No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't