Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo