do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.