There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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