i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just sucked dick on a ferry