we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
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Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.