just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
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I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
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why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.