mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
