I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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