She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
