smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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