yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
