so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
